Traveling While Pregnant

Okay, so here is what I have learned about traveling while pregnant:
I just got back from a three week trip to the US.  We went from the UK, to Los Angeles, stayed for 10 days, then went from Los Angeles to Little Rock, stayed for 10 days, then went back to Los Angeles, to finish our roundtrip back to England.  I started the trip at 11 weeks pregnant and ended it at 14 weeks pregnant.
I travel a lot, and this was probably the hardest trip of my life.  That said, I'm really glad I didn't shy away from it because it was not so bad that I shouldn't have done it.  It was just extremely tiring, and it was frustrating to be tired when I had so much I wanted to do and so many people I wanted to spend time with.
So, to start off with, I asked my midwife what I should do for traveling.  She had discouraged me from a trip to Chile when I was about 7 weeks pregnant because she thought that if a trip isn't necessary in the first trimester, and if you don't know anybody there, it is too risky.  She was mostly thinking about how awful it would be to have a miscarriage in a hospital I was unfamiliar with, or to get food poisoning and still have to travel home.  So, she wasn't saying it was a high risk undertaking, she was suggesting that maybe I sit the trip out for my own potential sanity.  I will think about that decision for years to come, but I will say that my husband was only gone for about two days when morning sickness hit with a vengeance and I am so glad I was home and not stuck in some hotel and reliant on restaurant food.  It would have been awful.
Anyways, the trip home was a different set of circumstances.  I would be going to a familiar place where I understood the health system.  We bought travel insurance and we would be around familiar faces at all times.  The midwife was still not super thrilled about the prospect, but she wasn't discouraging either.  She told me to get flight socks for the long flights, to get aisle seats, to walk around the cabin and drink lots of water, and to just take it easy and I should be fine.  Well, I WAS fine.  I do have some recommendations though.
First of all, we picked some terrible flying times.  In hindsight, we should have paid a little more money on this trip in order to get better flight times.  Our flight out of England was so early that we did not sleep that night, which was very hard on prego-sauras.  I just underestimated how that would feel because I'm a pretty hearty traveler when not pregnant.  We had to catch a taxi at 3:30 am, and went from there until we arrived in Los Angeles about 20 hours later.  I nearly had a meltdown at our 11:30 am layover in London, and my husband was amazing at keeping me strong and focused.  This was definitely a team trip and I am so glad I was not alone (an issue this fiercely independent girl is still dealing with). 
Once on the plane, I just couldn't get comfortable in the seats because my ass hurt (never an issue before), my back hurt (new issue as well), and I had to pee a lot (part pregnancy, part drinking tons of water).  There was no danger of not exercising on the plane because I was up so much out of discomfort and the need to pee.  I always feel bad for tall people on long flights, and for people with bad backs.  I don't think I suffered anywhere near what they suffer, my suffering was almost exclusively a suffering of the ego- pregnancy limitations have really frustrated me.
Anyways, we got to Los Angeles in one piece and then encountered something else that surprised me, pregnancy jetlag.  I had not read anything on it so it hit like a ton of bricks.  I always have trouble with jetlag, so I expect it to a certain degree, but this was much harder.  I just couldn't function.  Plus, we were still keeping the pregnancy a secret, so I just seemed like a whiner.  Actually, even if the pregnancy was known to all, I still would have felt like a whiner.  It is always easier to adjust when traveling to California/West, so this proved to be my EASIEST bout of jetlag on the whole trip, which truly interupted parts of this trip.  Also, I'm not sure if this happens to other daughters, but as soon as I got to Los Angeles I was greeted with a list of things to do.  My father is slightly helpless on some things and I was off to the mall to do his shopping a few days after we arrived.  Again, this was harder than when I'm not pregnant.  The mall in Los Angeles at Christmas time is scary, but it can also be kind of fun because the freaks are totally out, and in their element.  My husband and I enjoyed the freak show, but I really had to take a lot of rests, I've never sat down to rest at the mall before and I felt really embarressed about it.  Again, this is suffering of the ego, not the body.  Also, my sister has just recently had a baby, and as soon as she got to town she had assignments for me as well.  These were all fun assignments I was happy to do, but I was limited in time, I could only stay active until about 8:00 when I turned into a pumpkin.  I just couldn't do more.  The funniest/most awesome night was when my husband "took one for the team" and went out to dinner with my dad on a night when I just couldn't get back up, and certainly didn't want to enter another eating establishment.  I think they had a nice dinner, I surely didn't get any of the present wrapping done.
But, when all is said and done, my trip home to LA was amazing.  We got to tell my family about the pregnancy in person, I got to meet my new nephew, and we had the greatest holiday in years.  It was magical and the yucks did not override the yums.
Moving on to Little Rock.  Unfortunately, I think Little Rock really got the short end of the stick because Los Angeles had exhausted me.  We arrived and the three hour time difference immediately messed with me, and I never really caught up.  This is a problem anyways, I'm terrible about waking up at a decent time, getting sleep, etc, but this was the worst I've been.  Oh, and something I forgot to mention before was that my husband and I were both very dry and snoring a lot after our flights, and it is hard when you are staying in somebody else's house to figure out a way to sleep seperately if one person is keeping the other person up with snoring.  This got worse in Little Rock because my mother-in-law smokes and my pregnancy insomnia kicked into high gear and I woke up with every snore, every cigarette, everything.  Also, when staying in Little Rock we switch houses a lot- sometimes we sleep at mother in law's house, other nights we sleep at father in law's house.  This was fine while pregnant because I always had a place to go grab a quick nap, no matter which house we were at, but I think it will be very challenging with a baby and will be something we are going to have to figure out a solution to.  Anyways, the reason I think Little Rock got the short end of the stick was because I needed even more naps and downtime, and we had far less to do.  So, during a nice family event, I would sometimes have to excuse myself for a nap.  I wasn't able to do any late nights, and I even slept one night from about 5pm until morning.  Actually, though, this was a great thing because my husband had a chance to go out and get drunk with friends and stay out really late and didn't have to worry about me at all.  And with his hangover the next day we were both pregnant, which I loved because then I felt less like a weakling.
The trip back to England was the most grueling.  To save money we had purchased a round trip ticket out of Los Angeles, so we had a major flight back to Los Angeles, and then a 8 hour wait until the next flight.  We should have given ourselves a day.  Again, I underestimated how hard flying was going to be.  We were exhausted when we arrived, although thrilled to have another evening with my dad.  This was the night I slept in the flight socks and by the end of the trip to England they were so tight I had to take them off.  I experienced feet swelling on this flight and my legs swelled up as well.  We had planned to stay up all night and catch a ride to the airport the next morning with my friend.  Again, this would have been fine pre-pregnancy, but I had finally realized that this was not going to be possible, so I canceled with my friend (heartbreaking) and caught a few hours of sleep.  I think this was the difference between throwing up or fainting on the plane and not.  By the end of the trip to England my back and head hurt so bad that I was just pacing in the back of the plane.  I was very uncomfortable and swollen and constipated and, again, had a very bruised ego.  I still don't think I had it as bad as many fliers do, so I'm not regretting the trip, but I'm just trying to be honest about the experience.
The aftermath was over a week of recuperation.  I can't believe how hard we both have found it to get back in the swing of things.  I forget that people make a big deal about major trips, and I just didn't take it seriously enough because I was just going home, it didn't feel like a big trip.  It was such an amazing trip home, and I am so happy we were able to do it.  We were so lucky that the holidays fell at just the time I switched from first trimester to second trimester, and it was such a perfect way to surprise our families.  I have just learned a lot about traveling while pregnant from this trip, and I am writing it down so I can remember in the future, which will hopefully be a March trip to China to see the friend I had to cancel on the night we were in LA. :)

Things I learned:
*I overestimated my abilities.  I promised to see all my friends and I brought several "going out" outfits and makeup.  This was a waste of space, and the false promises caused some hurt feelings.  I just couldn't do it.  I am amazed in hindsight how little we got done.  Even the night I spent at my best friend's was kind of boring for both her and my husband because all I wanted to do was lie around.  If I had it to over again I would set much more limited goals and limit my promises to more realistic levels.  I'll be home again someday, this turned out to be a trip to see mostly family.
*Buy flight socks ahead of time.  I bought them at the London airport and they were expensive (I can't remember how much) and they were very tight.  I wish I had had two pairs because the super long day of travel had a sleeping layover and it would have been nice to change socks.  I am so cheap (I only spend money on travel), but I am learning that there might be some moments where you aren't being frugal and anti-consumerist, you are being sadistic, and bad socks might be the limit.  It sounds stupid, but also, they got very tight by the end of the flight to England and I finally had to take them off because they were cutting off my circulation.  I found this stressful and wish I had done more research on how they should feel and what size they should be.
*Expect jetlag and expect a reasonable amount of understanding from people, but not total understanding.  Sometimes you are just going to piss people off, my baby needed me to sleep.

I'm lonely

So, here is the reality.  I have met a few people in my temporarily adopted country of England, and one or two could potentially become close friends, but I am severely lacking in community.  I have always lived in cities with thriving radical "scenes", and even though my lifestyle has often made it so I don't have time to fully immerse myself in a given scene, I've always been welcome to stop in, revamp, and revitalize.  I don't really have that here.  There is a very nice community group, and their project is important, but I find it very hard to get inspired by them, with them.  They are a group of mostly men who claim to be anarchists, but constantly strike me and controlling and centerist.  They almost always apologize for this whenever it is brought up, and they really are very nice and well meaning, but they don't create the cocoon that I have relied upon for so many years.  I sometimes think that I am giving them the anarchist reality check, which is frustrating because I am not a very consistant anarchist, I really want to be surrounded by people who are more immersed in the lifestyle than I am so I can rise to the occasion.
I think part of the problem is that I am still in mourning for one of my very best friends who died almost a year ago.  I miss her so much, and the discussions we had.  I am her son's anarchist godmother, but I find it very difficult to communicate with his father because of both language barriers and personal problems we have always had.   I just miss her so much, and feel the loss very strongly.  She was the ultimate cocoon.  I know the natural response to this is to make my own cocoon, that I can't actually be alone, but it really feels like it.  One of the reasons I so desperately desire community is to learn and be influenced.  It is very easy for me to get wrapped up in consumerism and desires, and I need the support to keep me grounded.  I feel best when I have people around, and I am ready to learn things I wasn't ready for before.  Shit, if it was religion, I'd say I was looking for church, but I'm not looking for dogma, I'm looking for support.  The radical women I meet are very young, none are in long term relationships with children, and they often want to meet at times that are not good for me- nighttime.  I thought I found a wonderful woman at the community group, but she has moved away, and really, did not seem that interested in me.  She already has friends.  Some of the problem is a different culture, I have always said that one of the benefits of the global anarchist network is how easy it is to move around in it, but I am beginning to rethink this.  It is definitely easy to move around, to visit places, to make superficial friends, but deeper connections are proving much more difficult.  I'm just not finding it.  And now, as I search for collective housing for my growing family, I'm finding almost nothing.  I know I'm judgmental, I don't want to hang out with upwardly mobile liberals and smug hippies, I just want to find some warty, dysfunctional, radical mamas who don't know all the answers, and I'm having trouble and feel like it might not exist in this town...

I'm back!

So, I have been away for a month and didn't have a chance to post while I was traveling.  I am now 17 weeks! Actually, I might still be 16 weeks, I'm really confused on the specific day I change weeks.  I'm just saying it's on a Monday to keep my head around it.  I am feeling MUCH better!  It is so nice.  Ladies, it gets better! I promise you!  I am still fairly tired, which really frustrates me, but my stomach is so much better and I can finally go into the kitchen again!  I had about three days last week of feeling sick to my stomach, but I'm much better now.  I looked it up on the internet and found that morning sickness can come back in small bouts sometimes, so I'm just really appreciating the good days and am so happy that the bad days won't last long!  I have a lot to say, but I'm not going to try to put it all into one post.  I'll just say that- I LOVE MY DOPPLER!  I got it at 11 weeks and couldn't find a heartbeat.  I was so disappointed and searched for HOURS! I tried having a full bladder, I tried having an empty bladder, I tried different times of the day, I tried all over my stomach- including WAYYYY low, but I just couldn't find it.  Luckily I had a midwife appointment the next day and she found it instantly!  This was great, cuz I could have panicked.  It made me think that maybe the doppler was not such a great idea.  I decided not to bring it on my trip home and was happy to not have the stress.  But, as soon as I hit the door when I got home, I ran to try it out again.  I think I was about14 and a half weeks, and I found that heartbeat right away!  It was about 4 inches below my belly button, right below my "pooch", if that makes sense.  My husband and I listened to it and it was so amazing and reassuring.  Now I listen about once a week and I can usually find it really quickly.  I'm super happy I have it, although I'm not sure I recommend it.  I mean, if I hadn't found the heartbeat I would have been pretty upset.  Still, it has significantly reduced my stress level and it makes it so real, I just love it.  More soon. :)

Doula?

So, the crazy thing this week is that I weighed myself and I have lost almost 10 pounds!  I can't believe it.  Whenever I read things on the internet that caused women to lose weight, like anti depressants or short frequent walks, it NEVER applies to me.  This is the first time I've fallen in with the weight losing people!  Makes me feel very dainty. :) Anyways, I think I need to enjoy this because something tells me that this will be one of my last experiences of feeling dainty for a while.  I have recently been considering hiring a doula for my birth.  I'm sure I will talk more about this but I just wanted to mention it.  She will cost 500 pounds and the one I spoke to was not a very good sales person to my husband.  I enjoyed my phone conversation with her, although I noted she was very gung ho about home births.  I'm not against home births, and my husband loves the idea, but I'm not sure I want it for my first birth.  I'm also not really in love with my home, and not sure I want to be here for the birth.  Anyways, she invited us to a homebirth support group, which we attended.  I LOVED it.  There were so many positive birthing stories.  Before this I had only ever heard positive birthing stories from my mother.  It seems like people would rather tell you the most frightening shit they can come up with.  I've always felt bad for pregnant women at baby showers when those stories have gotten started and I am determined to nip them in the bud.  But these stories were just beautiful and I cried at one of them.  Of course, when I cried I looked around hoping to find other kindred hormonal crying spirits, but no, I was the only one crying.  After the first part of the meeting they had a session on doulas and my husband asked what a doula actually did.  This was where the doula I spoke to on the phone and the other doulas in the room epically failed.  They basically said they did "nothing".  I understand that their role is to remain humble and empower and support, but I think they need to take a little credit if they want to make the sale.  My husband felt really put off and felt like they were implying that he couldn't understand because he was just a man.  I didn't take it to that level, but I see why he was annoyed, they did a terrible job.  Of course, if I decide I want a doula he will support me, but his opinion is currently pretty low.  On the walk back to the train station we had a long debate about what we think a doula actually "does" and decided that her role is to try to make a calm and natural experience as calm and natural as possible from within a context or setting that is mistreating birthing as a medical emergency.  My husband thinks he can play this role.  I think he can too, but I feel like he shouldn't have to, and that if I had a mother or best friend nearby, she could do what the doula would do, but since I don't, I think I would like to have a wise woman with experience hushing the extra chatter in the room and keeping me focused.  Anyways, still very early days, so I'll think about it more.  Oh, I also heard about "hypno birthing" at the class and I'm sold!  I don't know much about it yet, but if I got good at it, I might be able to keep myself focused and block out the medical setting, so I will explore it further.

Week 11

Fetal Heart Monitor

So, I had to cancel my 12 week scan today because the NHS only allows for two scans, a dating scan and an anomaly scan, and my scan at 9 weeks meant I gave up my one for tomorrow.  I feel like it is really unfair, I already had the appointment set and we had the 9 week scan because we had an emergency.  Now I have no way to know if my baby is okay until my midwife decides to listen for a heartbeat.  There was a substitute midwife in the last time I went for an appointment and she told me that they start trying to listen for a heartbeat at 12 weeks, but I kind of don't believe her.  She was really disorganized, wrinkled up all my papers, couldn't get enough blood from me after two tries, and didn't even know where the bathroom was.  I felt really shaken by this appointment, and now I'm shaken again because I have no idea what's going on with the baby.  I have another appointment on Friday so they can attempt to draw blood again, but because I am only actually 11 weeks, I think there is a very low chance of the midwife looking for a heartbeat.  I was having my 12 week scan at 11 weeks because we are leaving for the US on Sunday for Christmas.  So, I will be in the US for over 20 days with no idea how the baby is doing.  This is making me kind of upset.  Especially since it is so resolvable by letting me getting a scan as scheduled tomorrow.  Part of me wants to make up a story about bleeding or cramps and get another emergency ultrasound, but that seems like really bad juju and I don't want to cry wolf.  At the same time, don't I have a right to know what's going on if it is so easy to see?  Anyways, this is one of the shortfalls of the NHS.  I wouldn't have had to cancel this appointment if I was in the US, so I am feeling sorry for myself and homesick.  To try to counter this, I ordered a fetal doppler from http://www.hi-baby.co.uk just now.  I looked at the different dopplers and it seemed like the Angel sounds and the Hi-Bebe dopplers got the best reviews.  The Angel sounds was tempting because you can buy it outright from Amazon, but the Hi-Bebe, which was much more expensive to buy, claims to be able to pick up the heartbeat as early as 10 weeks.  I am trying not to get too hopeful, I doubt I'll be able to pick up much for the next few weeks, but at least I'm doing something, so I feel a little better.  I will also like that I can bring it along on my trip and won't feel as alone/without medical attention while I am away.  I am now starting my 11th week and I'm hoping to hear something by week 13.  I'll keep you updated on my impressions.