So, while I was late, waiting for Donovan (story of birth to follow), I spent all this time looking for magical reasons why he might be late.  I looked at phases of the moon, I examined the Tarot cards to see if they could offer insight (I don't believe in them magically, but I thought they might be able to reveal some wisdom through reflection), I spent a lot of time trying to figure out if there was something in my psyche holding me back, I spoke to my husband a lot about things that could potentially be bothering me- like missing my mom or feeling pressure to have a perfect home birth, I meditated, held rose quartz crystal, reflected on woman hood, read Ina May, got deep, did acupuncture (don't consider this magic, suspects it actually released endorphins which may have helped get him here- will have to do some research when I'm getting more than 2 hours sleep at a time), did homeopathy (total fucking magic, but I was desperate and easily talked into bullshit), smelled lavendar and clary sage, made birth affirmation recordings.  But I realize in hindsight that the magic is actually in the baby coming itself.  There may have been things holding me back, he was very slightly out of position, but the reality is that there is no greater magic than a baby coming when he wants to, when he needs to.  I don't need to find human projections of magic on something that is already so magical.  He came when he was ready, we needed a lot of help and support and research to make sure he was allowed to come in his own time, and now that he is here we can be fully confident that if the moon was holding him up, or my brain, or some poor handling of crystals, it all came together in the end, we were ready for him when he got here and he was ready for us.  He showed no signs of being overdue, his nails are the right length, the placenta was in perfect condition, and I just thank the stars in the sky he is here.

Two days past due date! :)

Well, here I am- two days past the due date.  I actually fully expected this, to the point where both my sister and my doula told me to stop saying it in case I willed it into being.  But I don't think I willed it into being, I just feel like we needed a few more days.  I'm pretty sure my conception and due dates are correct, so I am expecting him any time.  I was just viewing the due date as a goal date to get past- I really wanted a fully cooked little munchkin, especially with all the health problems I've had throughout this pregnancy.  I also really started to enjoy pregnancy at around the 2/3's point, so I wouldn't mind a little extra time.  That said, I don't want THAT much extra time.  I fully expect to get pregnant again in the future, and I am so excited to meet this monkey and get this show on the road.  I also am in a particularly zen mood right now, a mood that can be shattered by very small things- like not being able to find a cheap walk in hair cut immediately yesterday.  Or the girl from my NCT class having her baby a week early last week.  I cannot believe the level of jealousy I felt towards her.  It made me mad all day, and there was no cheering me up or making me feel better.  It just had to pass.  That said, I'm feeling really good, and my midwife is really happy with my blood pressure, with baby's position (2-3/5 something or other?), and with how I look.  I don't feel that swollen, although my rings are beginning to be a very small nuisance, and it's kind of fun to tell people I am overdue since I'm still pretty sparky when out and about.  Of course, when in, I'm exhausted.  Exhaustion has been the key component of pregnancy for me, and I just hope it doesn't interfere with labor.  Speaking of labor, here are my symptoms.  I am crampy, with some lower back ache.  For the past 2-3 days I've been in a bit of a hormone haze- although I don't mind the high, and am very annoyed by anything breaking it- like phonecalls from well wishers and the skype calls we feel obligated to make to our parents.  It gets a little frustrating though when I can't remember to do ANYTHING only two seconds after I set out to do it.  Normally lists help me with scatter brain, but I also am having a hard time keeping track of my lists, so some things just aren't going to get done.  After trying out tons of hypno birth cds, I've settled on the Marie Mongan one.  I actually am not so sure it's better than the others, I've been pretty disappointed by all of them, I think it is just the one that suits me best because it has an American accent, which is such a strange preference for me.  I'll do a separate review of the tapes.  I've also read most of the books I wanted to read and we both feel really prepared for our homebirth. We have the pool, we have a box of things we might need, we have treats for the midwives, I've packed an emergency hospital bag for both me and baby, and I've gotten all my essential oils and labor distraction stuff ready.   I want to buy or make a present for my doula, and need to print my birth plan.  Beyond that, the things I want to do are all cosmetic- like sew together curtains rather than tack them up, or clean maniacally (not that I have energy for that), or read a book I consider optional rather than necessary.  Oh, I do want to try to put some birth affirmations on my ipod.  Anyways, I'm pretty sure I had my first, and only, contraction today about three hours ago.  I was surprised by how much it hurt, and how I forgot to breathe til the very end of it.  I was also surprised by how quickly I forgot the pain, and how it was a nice relief feeling when it was over.  It felt like I suddenly was about to have very bad diarrhea, and I was sitting on the toilet, so maybe I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure it was a preview.  I'm glad to have it.  I really thought the baby was coming today- had cramps all night, but it's evening now, so even if things start up, it probably won't be today.  My cramps are not what I expected.  They are continuous, not rolling, and are in different places.  I have a hard time identifying where they are- mostly they are low.  When I look it up online the women seem able to describe very succinctly that the cramp is at the back of the uterus, or radiates from back to front, and mine are either not strong enough to do that yet, or just not that specific.  Regardless, they aren't even a nuisance, although I see why women hesitate to put on the TENS machine- you can't help but be curious about what's coming next.  I haven't even taken a paracetamol, which I should, because I'm so curious.  Anyways, took it real easy today, smelled my blend of clary sage, rose, and lavender, bought some baby books that will come next week when I have a baby, and plan to go to sleep early.  Here's hoping I have this baby tonight!  I really thought I might...