Six weeks one day

Okay, today is six weeks and one day. How am I feeling? Dizzy, naseaus, and unmotivated to work. Still no throwing up. Who knew I'd hope for throwing up. It's funny, I'm so scared about this pregnancy and all I want is the worst symptoms in the world because I imagine it will confirm something for me. I have no idea why I'm so scared. I have a friend who told everyone she was pregnant and the next day the scan showed the baby was dead. That shook us all to the bone. Also, a minister friend of my dad told me that my sister had a miscarriage. The minister thought I must have known and felt terrible when it became clear that I had no idea. That shocked me too. First because my sister has never told me, second because I feel so bad that she went through that pain, and third because her feelings must have been so complicated that she just decided to keep it to herself. I don't want to go through that. This blog is to document my concerns so maybe I can feel less afraid, or maybe I can feel more zen about the whole thing. I mean, I have to remember, if something goes wrong, it is truly for the best. It's just that things are so perfect right now. We will see our families right on the cusp of the second trimester, so we will get to tell them in person (we live thousands of miles away). The due date would be in July so my husband will have a lighter work load because it is summer, and there is a chance it could be born on the fourth of July, so we could parade around all patriotic in our adopted country. I have no idea why that is so satisfying. These all seem like minor things. Although, I am so homesick, the idea of telling our parents in person shines such a strong light. I really am attached to the idea. My husband has reminded me that if we lose this baby and when we conceive another one, we could always travel home to tell our parents in person then. That's true. Although I like the element of surprise with this one. They will never guess we have an announcement because it is Christmas and because my sister is introducing us to her new baby boy. It would be so fun to be a part of that joy.