Bleeding at 9 Weeks

BLEEDING
So, on Wednesday, December 2, 2009, I woke up in the middle of the night, around 3ish, to go to the bathroom and saw that I was bleeding.  It was more than spotting, but never bled onto my underwear or a pad.  The midwife told us that bleeding was NEVER normal and gave us a bunch of numbers to call if I had bleeding.  Of course, at 3 in the morning, we could barely tell the difference between the numbers.  My husband was so amazing.  I woke him up and he immediatly turned on all the lights and got down to business.  I'm not sure I would have taken it so seriously on my own.  In hindsight, it was enough blood to warrant concern, but in the moment I felt really strange, and didn't want to be a bother, and felt like the inevitable was happening and just wanted to curl up.  I went to put a pad on and when I came back he had the computer open and was trying to figure out what to do.  I grabbed the numbers the midwife gave us and he called a few.  I felt so safe and taken care of by the fact that he made the phone calls.  I have no idea why this comforted me so much, but it was so great.  He is going to be a great dad.  In the mean time I looked up bleeding in my trusty "What to Expect when your Expecting" and it said to take it seriously. (BTW, my sister hated "What to Expect" because she found it very scary.  I really like it because it answers questions in a sort of sciency, but not too sciency, way. Just two opinions, not sure if they are helpful.) My husband spoke to an on call midwife who was very nice but not super helpful so we called the emergency room.  They told us to come on in.  So we did.  We took a taxi to the ER (the call it the A&E) and they saw us right away. 

ER
Of course, again, they didn't really do anything, but they also didn't make us feel stupid for being nervous.  They were incredibly nice and reassuring.  They had me pee in a cardboard box thing (cracked both of us up- it looked like shipping material) and they confirmed my pregnancy (first official confirmation!) and I think they tested the pee for regular stuff like a UTI or something, but not much.  They took my blood pressure and that was about it.  But, most importantly, they set me up for an early ultrasound for Friday, the next day if you consider it was now very early Thursday morning.  So, I was going to get to see my baby sooner, which is amazing!  Although, I'm pretty sure I lost my privilege to my 12 week scan now, so I have to wait until 20 weeks to see it again.  I really don't like this lack of scanning.  Although I realize the scan doesn't tell the doctor much, it tells me a lot, I am so scared that the baby will die without me knowing, I am just desperate for evidence of life.  I will always think that some of my morning sickness symptoms are nerves and that they could probably be relieved if I could see the baby or hear the heartbeat, or if I was rich and could afford a private scan.  But I'm not.  The other funny thing was that apparently my husband and I had two different experiences in the ER.  He felt reassured and felt like the nurse said everything was fine and bleeding happens.  I felt like she told us nothing and rushed to set up an appointment.  Shows was a difference perspective can make!
Anyways, I was a nervous wreck before the scan.  My husband was very excited and canceled everything he had to do on Friday, but I was preparing for disaster.  I had been pleased by how calm I was during the Emergency Room ordeal, and I promised myself I would be as cool and collected when I learned the terrible news about my baby.  In the meantime, the bleeding basically stopped.  It bled bright red for about two hours, then tapering off brown blood for about 20 hours.  I had another moment of some brown blood on Friday afternoon, but have not had any since.

THE SCAN
So, we got to the early pregnancy unit early because we were sure we were going to get lost, which we did.  We filled out some paperwork and waited for what felt like ages, but was actually just until my appointment time.  It was funny watching everybody's water drinking tactics.  I had brought a water bottle and was trying to slowly fill my bladder (for those who don't know, you need to have a full bladder for an ultra sound so it gets out of the way to see the baby.  This is a slightly comical endeavor because a pregnant woman can only hold so much water, and because that amount is slightly unpredictable and varies depending on where you are in the pregnancy).  Another woman did a last minute mighty gulp, which I can't believe didn't make her throw up, although I suspected she was further along than I am, so maybe she isn't as nauseous.  Other women did nothing, I guess it just wasn't worth it and they could rely on a full bladder.  I was just worried I was going to push myself over the edge, have to pee, and then have to start over. 
Anyways, we were finally called and there were two women working the ultrasound, one was training the other.  They laid me down, pulled down my pants a little (great, now everybody can see my belly) and squished goop on me.  The girl said that she was going to look and then she would turn the screen towards me.  I felt like I wasn't breathing.  I might not have been.  My husband, on the other hand, was grinning like an idiot and even started to poke at me to tease me.  I asked him to stop which I think hurt his feelings a little bit.  We are going to have to figure out a way to start and stop teasing at appropriate times.  I don't want to laugh when I'm really stressed.  He does. 
Anyways, then they found the baby!  My husband's eyes widened and he grabbed my hand and everything was okay!  They found it right away and turned the screen so I could see it.  It was right there, and really obvious and easy to see.  It's heart was beating really fast and it was kind of moving around!  They said it was looking really good and had a "strong heartbeat".  I laughed which made all my insides move and then they couldn't see the baby for a second.  That made me laugh again, so I had to chill out or they couldn't do anything.  They turned the screen back and started looking for the cause of the bleeding and for all my insides, like my ovaries, etc.  My  husband just couldn't stop watching, but I was happy, it was like this amazing moment where I knew, without a doubt, that my baby was alive, and I was reveling in it.  I didn't even need to see the image, I was just happy my husband could see it.  They found the source of bleeding, a small hemorrage (it has an official name which I can't remember but will edit in once I find the paperwork) on the outside of my uterus.  The hospital midwife later told us that of the 20 women she had seen that morning, 4 had the same thing, so it is very common.  They said I could bleed a little more, just to get rid of the blood, but that it was likely over and that I had nothing to worry about.  I am confused about what caused it, but they said to think of it like a bruise, a minor injury to me that won't hurt the baby.  Whew!  They also found a small fibroid which may have been contributing to my irregular periods for the past six months.  They never found my left ovary because it was obstructed by gas!  They were funny, they told me it was obstructed by bowel, I guess they thought it would be embarrassing for me if my husband knew how gassy I was, but believe me, he knows!  The older technician was really funny because she kept trying to humanize the baby.  She was like, "look at the little cherub, isn't it cute???"  and she said the baby was dancing around and very active.  I have a hard time believing that it isn't just floating around, but my husband then declared that the baby took after him, and it was such a nice moment that I just loved the cheesy technician.  Anyways, everything is fine and my baby is developing right on schedule.  They dated the pregnancy and I had expected they were going to take away a week from what we were estimating because I ovulate late, but they only took away a day, which means baby is doing great!  There was only one thing that could have made it perfect, a future telling midwife.  I really wanted her to say we were out of the dark and the pregnancy was safe from now on, but she said things were still iffy until 12 weeks.  This kind of dashed my husband's hopes of telling everyone.  It annoyed me all over again because now I'm not getting another scan at 12 weeks, so how am I supposed to know if everything is ok once we get out of the first trimester?  There is, again, no confirmation.  I know this is a bit of an exercise in faith, but why have faith when it is possible to prove everything is okay?  I'm going to ask my midwife about this at our appointment tomorrow.  I really need something to hold on to.  I'm very scared of a missed miscarriage. Either way, what a great day!  We saw that little baby and everything is doing great!