Morning sickness

So, I've been away cuz morning sickness hit with a vengeance.  I would say at about 7.5 weeks, and it has been up and down since.  I am about to start week 10.  My husband was out of town during week 8 and I had a really hard time alone, an issue in the growing number of issues that has forced me to look again at my self perception of strength.  It has been very challenging for me to face the fact that I don't just want him, I need him.  I always thought I would be the perfect pregnant lady.  I've always been very self-reliant and independent and imagined that I would not complain, would revel in the magic of pregnancy, and be the pillar of strength, leading my husband to love and respect me even more.  This has not happened.  I can't stand the smell of the kitchen after about 3:30, and it gets worse around 6:30.  This sounds like no big deal, but it is miserable.  I sometimes can't even go in without gagging, I always have to hold my breath in there, and I've only ever thrown up in the kitchen.  I finally understand why people like those shiny new tract homes, our hundred year plus house is assaulting me with all the dirt of the past and present.  I see filth everywhere I go, and it makes me want to hurl.  I'm not even a tidy person.  This is a whole new side of me.  If I wasn't so hungry this wouldn't be a problem, but I'm hungry every few hours.  This is another new thing for me.  My personal trainer has been begging me to eat every few hours, but I have found this very difficult until now.  Now, I am finally following the trainer's instructions.  In fact, if I don't eat I want to hurl.  I think I want to hurl more if I don't eat than if I go into the kitchen, but I'm not sure, they are kind of equal.  Now add in that I don't feel like I'm eating very well.  Lots of simple carbs, bagels, bread, etc.  When my husband was gone and I couldn't handle the kitchen at all I was ordering out, desperately trying to find something healthy on a take away menu and resorting to jacket potatoes and pizzas with veggies on them.  Now add hormones and I cried and cried and cried.  I felt like a terrible mother, like I was hurting the baby, like I was weak and pathetic, and most of all, I felt like shit!  Anyways, this did a small number on my self esteem, and now that my husband is back, along with the perspective a sane person is able to bring to a pregnant woman's crazies, I still don't completely have my head on.  I feel pathetic relying on him to cook, and even to fill my water glass if it is after 6:30.  I am so bored watching TV all the time, yet I'm so tired and fuzzy brained that I can't seem to sit through a book, let alone do my own work.  I find it very stressful to just relax for more than a week.  It has been almost 3 weeks of this and I have learned a lot about myself, and I haven't loved what I've seen.  I am a person who tends towards laziness, but not this much.  I find it stressful to be doing nothing, and I find it stressful to rely so heavily on my husband.  A friend once told me that morning sickness could teach a woman things, like that you are not necessarily in control of things.  Well, it has taught me that for sure.  I have control over the choices I make, but I have very little control over what's going to happen next.  I can't tell how I'm going to feel in the next moment, let alone the next day, and I find it really difficult.  Add the constant fear that I'm going to will myself to lose the baby (not sure that makes sense- like- I'm worried that if I don't appreciate my blessing enough, or complain too much, that I am going to lose it), and I'm a bit of a wreck.  And I'm still unclear on whether I should be complaining.  It seems like an awful thing to do.  Especially since I wanted this so bad, so many women want it so bad, and because I just haven't had morning sickness nearly as bad as so many people I've heard of.  I have a weak stomach that throws up if a movie is too upsetting, and I've only thrown up twice with this pregnancy.  This would be very lucky and not at all expected.  Although, what I did expect was one week of morning sickness, like they show in the movies.  I had no idea it would last forever.